Pain today - - all day - - -all week. Its been tough this week. One week of independence and freedom from SFN and the next week it attacks. As I sit here with my feet and legs in anodyne units...I am stuck, literally for 1.5 hours and I am sick and tired of sitting on my ass. Literally, tired of this. I watch people walking their dogs out my front room window and wonder if those people realize what a job their feet are doing. Do they have a realization that they are walking with no pain? Do they know that what their body automatically does, mine does NOT; without pain...without wincing....without scrunching up my shoulders and face from the excruciating pain?
Someday.
So, I get up at 12 midnight and 3 am, then 4 am - and try to get comfortable in bed with my CPAP, oxygen tube, and heating pad (feet). I am 46 and old already.
I know why people commit suicide from pain. I know what frame of mind they are in when they make that choice. I know that over 1 year of this has aged me 10 years; in my face i have frown lines instead of smile. I so wanted smile lines on my face, to age beautifully so that people would know i had a wonderful life. I am sad.
